Useless bits of information

Somedays, I have a funny job. This week has been one of those times. This is just a small sampling of what I can remember.

1. Today was count day. Kids in the hallway who were tardy (on purpose) told me, "I'm not goin' to class 'cuz you don't deserve no raise anyway." Funny, I have never received a single raise my entire teaching career. Thankfully, I don't even have this student which made it slightly funnier. This day ensures that schools get their funding which is spent on the students. Obviously, the newspaper is not dropped off on his front doorstep.

2. "Ms. Klein, I know that you think that you're funny, but your jokes are just bad." Okay, so I did tell a bad joke, but it was Trevor's. - What does a bee say when he's flying backwards? Zzub, zzub. My audience seems to get tougher daily. Either that or my jokes just aren't funny anymore. Nah, must be the audience.

3. A girl speaking with another student at her locker..."Ms. _____ (to protect the innocent) is so fat, she stank, and she always tryin' to tell me what to do!" Hmmmm, this is not a tough one. A teacher can tell a student what to do if it's reasonable and safe and the activity is for the student's benefit. This doesn't seem so shocking. The teacher has never "stank" (I think that must be the past tense of stink) and I frequently talk with theteacher named in the hallway after school. I have never smelled an obnoxious stench from her. Perhaps she has a little girth but the girl is not the slimmest one in the bunch either. Can you call someone else fat if you are similar in size? If so, wouldn't you be calling yourself fat too?

4. As I walked around the room checking students and their work, I stopped to help a boy who was clearly not understanding the work. I helped him and it looked like he was confident so I moved on to the next student. He whispered to the kid in front of him, "She's always tryin' to help somebody." I actually turned around and laughed. So, clearly, in the future, when I should ever have an encounter with a clueless person who looks like he or she needs help, I will definitely ignore! I will ignore the smattering of hands raised or the questions that must be answered.

5. The best one of the week was Trevor's. He was trying to explain how an odd number could be transformed (his word) into an even number. "Dad, let's suppose you have 3 pieces of candy. You can make it into an even number by giving a piece of candy to each person and then splitting the remaining piece in half." Kraig asked him how one and a half became two and he even did it without laughing. Trevor just shook his head and told him, "Dad, you just don't get it, do ya. Each person has two pieces of candy."